Diabetic Grief, in terms of the T1D themselves, in my opinion, can take one of 2 forms.
- Past life grief – Grieving the life you had
- Potential life grief – Grieving the life you could have had
However, it is not only us who can suffer diabetic grief, our loved ones and/or parents can also suffer vicarious grief.
Past life grief
It is obviously true that an adult or teenager diagnosed T1D is more likely to suffer past life grief, than a younger diagnosis, simply because a younger diagnosis might not actually remember their life before T1D and they have got used to life as a T1D.
Feelings related to past life grief might be include:
- I wish I could have one day where I could just eat spontaneously, without insulin or calculating.
- I wish I could sleep without worrying about numbers.
- I miss the care free, anxiety free days prior to being a T1D.
Potential life grief
The two forms of grief are connected, so it can be difficult to separate them. Older diagnosises can experience both, but a younger diagnosis can only feel the potential grief based on their non diabetic friends and family.
Feelings related to this, include
- Would I have been physically healthier, if I wasn’t a T1D?
- Would I be more successful in work?
- Would I be more successful in relationships?
- Would I have avoided the complications I now suffer from, if I’d have taken better care of myself?
- Would I have had children (or more children)?
Vicarious grief
Vicarious grief is most common in parents of younger T1Ds but can affect all of our love ones, but also ourselves.
In the case of parents, feelings might include:
- I am so sorry that my child has T1D.
- I wish that my child could go to sleepovers, without having to liaise with the hosts with a care plan.
- I wish my child wasn’t excluded from events, both at school and as friends.
- I wish my child had the spontaneity that all of his/her non-diabetic friends enjoy.
- I hope my child does not resent T1D for the choices it makes necessary for him/her.
- I hope my child enjoys a full life with no complications
In fact, due to the last feeling in that list, I actually believe that vicarious care is always much more stringent than personal care.
In the case of significant others there could be a difference in feeling depending on whether diagnosis happened prior to meeting, or after, but the feelings might include:
- Should we have children, if there is a chance that they could become a T1D?
- I wonder what my life would be like if I hadn’t fallen in love with a T1D.
We, T1Ds ourselves can also feel grief on behalf of others. Feelings related to this might include:
- I hope I outlive my parents
- I hope my children and significant other, see me grow old and I don’t leave them, before they are ready to let me go.
- I hope my significant other never sees me as a burden, or that I never become one.
- Will my significant other stick around with me if my health gets worse or I do become a burden.
The lists above are by no means exhaustive. Analyse your own feelings, see if you agree with many of the above, and contact me with others if you think of them.